In the last few days Kim Kardashian released a blog (or something of the sort) where she admits that her pregnancy has been the worst experience of her life, goes on to explain why, and then finishes up by saying all of it is worth it in the end. Then people proceeded to lose their minds on her a little. And I TOTALLY get that because 1. Nobody wants to hear a multimillionaire whine about anything much less a miracle 2. Women who are trying to conceive or who desperately want children (I was in this boat for YEARS so I get it) would gladly take on the “misery” she speaks of for a baby and take her words as a personal cut to the soul and 3. She went about saying in a pretty flippant way riddled with LOLs and frivolity about “sexy clothes” which kind of undermined her point.
However, it was kind of refreshing to hear a public figure come out and say something other than how magical pregnancy is and how you are just full of rainbows and butterflies for 9 beautiful months. Because for many, that is a load of crap. And because crucifying any opinion other than thinking pregnancy is a 9 month treat makes women who have to kind of struggle through pregnancy feel like failures. I have cried more than once because I don’t really like being pregnant and feel like a selfish brat because of that. Because I freshly remember the pain of wanting children so badly, praying for a baby, and generally thinking I would move mountains to get one here. And now I don’t enjoy being pregnant?? How can that be, right? I keep feeling like I should enjoy every moment but that just hasn’t been my reality.
I am over the moon thrilled about the baby who is on the way, already love him/her more than I thought I was capable, and would gladly endure whatever I had to in order to become this kiddo’s mom (in other words I know how worth it this is) but pregnancy has been, and continues to be more physically trying than I ever imagined. And constantly being told how “magical” I should feel makes me feel like a jerk because I just feel worn down, sick, and mentally beaten down.
I am not so self involved to think I have it “that bad”. I keep perspective and know there are those feeling sick and worn down who don’t have a baby waiting at the other end, those fighting cancer who are just pumped for another day w loved ones- feeling lousy or not, and those just struggling to get by. I know I don’t have it bad by ANY stretch of the imagination. However, wouldn’t it be cool if we could just be honest about our feelings and really help each other out instead of being totally judgmental? I would love that.I would love one other mama in my shoes to read this and just feel a little better. YOU CAN LOVE YOUR BABY AND NOT LOVE BEING PREGNANT. You are NORMAL and you are going to be okay.
I have finally accepted I am not going to have the “fun” or “easy” pregnancy that I have dreamed of and heard my friends describe over the years. I’ve accepted that If I am glowing in my maternity photos it will likely be sweat from having just barfed for the 10th time that day. I have accepted that pregnancy and my body just don’t get along. At this point all I care about is getting that beautiful tiny human in my arms. I would do it all again for him/her- truly. He/she has humbled me in a million ways. So here’s to being almost 1/2 way done and getting to the good stuff. And here’s to supporting all mamas to be- those feeling the magic, those feeling the cold bathroom floor, and all mamas in between.
Here’s to Happy, Healthy, and Strong.